Sweet is one of the most often used adjectives applied to me. I recognize it is meant as a compliment by well meaning people. I know this is not supposed to be an insult at all. When I hear it, I feel my whole body tense up. Why is this?
Sweet is cotton candy, sweet is a puppy kiss, sweet is the chubby sticky hand of a child, sweet is NICE! These things are not bad. In fact they are yummy, delicious, adorable, and inspire coos of "ooohhh" and "awwwe." Well shucks, I guess I should be flattered.
But I am not flattered! Not in the least. These days when someone tells me I'm sweet once again I feel like I've been stamped with the wrong label. Why is this? I have been pondering the why of this for a while. So, I will start with the images the word "sweet" conjures up for me. Sweet is lopsided. Too much of it is nauseating. Sweet has no edge. No back bone in it. Sweet is gooey and soft. Sweet is a stuffed animal with no fangs or claws. Sweet is just one dimensional.
Sweet in small doses is fine! A steady diet of it is disease and cavity inducing. Yes, that's it! Too much of it is just yucky!!! I have heard this word too many times, so it just now feels gross. The way you might feel after you ate funnel cake and ice cream and then rode a roller coaster. Ooooohhh! I do not want to be that!
Now, I realize this is my problem. My view is certainly not usually what is meant by the people offering this adjective to describe me. I also have sense and manners enough not to turn on them or insult them just to prove they are wrong about me! I don't want to go unstable on these innocent people who are only being SWEET!
So, I have decided I may need to feature a little more sour, add a dash of bitter, some heat, a little saltiness, and bring out a little touch of sharpness to add to the recipe that is me. These are in there already. They always have been. I just must not be mixing the ingredients to highlight and blend these other flavors. I also don't want to overcorrect to make the dish that is me lopsided in another way. After all, I do not want to reek and smack of an overwhelmingly bitter or bitchy spice!
Now that I've pondered here in type about how this word rubs me the wrong way, I just realized something extremely important. The people who know me well, know that I am far more than plain Jane Vanilla or wiggly sweet jello! These people are the ones that count most with me. I also know who I am and what I am made of (mostly), which is most important thing. I also know well how being underrated and dismissed with a head pat by people who don't know I am far more than SWEET or who may even see me as a lap dog, may not be so bad. In fact, I know this has had advantages! The element of surprise can be a good thing.
Like wine or perfume, we all have a top note don't we? If so, then sweet is my top note. That is not bad. People who don't know me well can continue to call me sweet. If I don't mind their top note we can always decide to delve deeper and surprise each other with our deeper layers of our flavors. Really, isn't building relationships much like experimental cooking or wine making? I see relationships as forged by the discovery, sampling, combining, and blending of ingredients. To do it right takes time.
So, although I think I've worked through my aversion to being labeled sweet. I may slow down my spreading around the top layer quite so much. I'll just put a cork in it sometimes. When I open, I'll pour a little bit more judiciously.
